I feel like abortions should bother me more
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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