Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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