Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
