we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
