he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
