The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize