Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
