I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
