If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
