so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
