I wish I could punch you in the face.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
