Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
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I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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