I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
