Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
