Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
