can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
