and you said cock pushups were impossible
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
