So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
All the doctor said was why
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
