Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
