jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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