I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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