I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm like, not good at living.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
