Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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