The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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