pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
