This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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