And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
