Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
