I'd wear matching sweaters with you
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
