Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
