Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
