no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
