Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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