We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
