he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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