Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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