Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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