I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
