yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
