My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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