I smell stomach acid.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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