I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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