I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Panties = found
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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