Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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