I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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