It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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