I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
