I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
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using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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