just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
my liver is dry heaving
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
