my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
