You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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