I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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