erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
