I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
