You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
