I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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