Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
