That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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