Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
