I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
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Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
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I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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