shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
