I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
