Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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