You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
