erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
