hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Say something about gay babies.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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