You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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