You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
