i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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