Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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