JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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