Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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