Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
