As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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