he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
